haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
