hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
