so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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