help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize