He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The Olympian is in my bed
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
