I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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