you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
