Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
