I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
