Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
