That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
