my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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