we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize