fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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