omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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