we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
