her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
