Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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