If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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