so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
