Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
