Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
