Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
