Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize