Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
