just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
