honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
