I feel like abortions should bother me more
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
