Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
