I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
