Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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