the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
this is an emotional support booty call
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
