Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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