i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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