I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
