My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
