Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
