yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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