i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
