Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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