On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize