You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
