Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Holy sore nipples Batman
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
