I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize