awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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