there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
