You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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