god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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