that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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