just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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