Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
