she was so not down for the gang bang
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
