You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
