hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
