WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
