I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
