My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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