Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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