I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
