So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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